I ask my Facebook friends their favorite jeans. Mentioned is Gap, which I haven't looked at since 1995 It's a nice, calm denim corner among the piles of sweatshirts and tees.
On the website model, the Looker's extended high waist looks cool. My shins are two miles long. I prefer the Insider Crop with a lower waist.
Stoned Immaculate does some crazy '70s flares with a huge star on the bum. They look amazing on bloggers who post hazy, but not on me.
Re/Done, an interesting brand that takes vintage Levi's and re-sews them into modern cuts, does better, though the price is a bit high.
Instagram takes me to denim hotspots and introduces me to new brands like Kings Of Indigo. But they have some amazing pairs. I adore the Jane Sailors.
Freddy was another label I saw on Instagram. Intense visual lift effect created by panels on hips and under bum. Skintight jeggings aren't really my style.
In London's fanciest department stores, I immediately think of Khloé Kardashian's cult denim label, Good American.
The Hadids, Taylor Swift, and Miranda Kerr are all fans of Frame, though I suspect winning the genetic lottery also helps.
While in denim land, I try DL1961. They claim 98% ‘shape retention'. I choose the Florence Mid Rise Skinny Jeans and my arse is as round as a dim sum.
I look for higher pockets. And Kelly was right: the J Brand Mid Rise Capri sits about two inches higher than my bum meets my leg. It's sexy and lifted.
The key lifted pockets are on Levi's 70s High Straight Jeans and Wrangler's Body Bespoke Jeans. The Slim Body Bespoke is a fantastically flattering skinny.
The stiffer cotton feels like it holds in my stomach and bum. Tick. Tick. To get them for £280, I'd have to sell half my stuff on eBay.